Monday Morning...

* First off, I had the best meal last night.  We took family night on the road, venturing out to Little Bird, my man-friend Gabriel Rucker's newest venture.  I even showered and did my hair - just in case I had a sighting.  I adore that man - he does everything right...good decor, excellent wine list, AMAZING food. 

* Dating sucks.  Period.

* I have an overspending problem.  I can't help it.  I must consume...must spend hundreds on clothes I will undoubtedly not be able to wear in a month.  Being a size where I can once again fit into cute clothes, I feel the need to buy, buy, buy. 

* Speaking of being a certain size - the pants I am currently wearing are my "Inspiration Pants" - the ones I have had hanging over my closet door since November.  Yup.  I am wearing them today for the first time.  Take that, old me.  Take that. 

You Ain't Got Sh*T To Do...

It's Friday...Thank Gawd.

* My mother just called.  Maria is at her house - would I like her to drop by mine?  Well, of course I do! 
       Maria has been cleaning my apartment since November.  She only comes every few months, not like, weekly or anything.  I find having "help" wonderful.  I am a neat person by nature and my apartment is so minimalistic I really never have clutter.  I make my bed everyday, my towels are always neatly folded on the appropriate rack - I just hate doing floors.  So, Maria comes every so often and gives everything a good dust, sweep, mop and vacuum - a wondrous arrangement.  Only normally I take the recycling out before she visits.  Caught off guard this time, my recycling is overflowing...awesome.  Either she is going to think I am the wine-o I am, or she will think I had a very fun party.  Fingers crossed.

Wednesdays are Not My Fav...

...Actually, I don't think I have a favorite day.  Unless Friday after 5 counts.  How cliche. 

* I have officially been at my job a year.  Yesterday marked my anniversary.  Mary sent flowers. 

Today I am thankful for:
* Distance - One of my best friends (my "sissy") lives in NYC - and I think it's a good thing.  While, yes, I would love to have her around, there is something extremely special about our phone calls.  We never plan our conversations, they just - well, happen.  One of us drinks too much wine and calls the other, then the magic begins.  Gossiping like old women, we always pick up where we left off.  Our mothers, our weight, so-and-so's one night stand, real estate, how much to tip the maid...we cover every base, taking mutual smoke breaks and bodega runs without missing a beat.  Last night we discussed the men of Million Dollar Listing as if they were our close personal posse - "Can you believe Heather is dating him?!  What was with Josh's tie??"  - really, folks.  Solving World Hunger we are not but enjoying a lifelong friendship we are.

* Ludicrous Ideas - I think it's time to get inked again.  My mother would die and my employer would probably rather I not...eh, who cares. 

* Travel - I leave in TEN days!  Wahoo!  I cannot wait to write from an Italian cafe.  You all just wait - it will be glorious.

* Memories - I am clinging to the way a certain someone's lips curled ever-so-slightly as they smiled the last time I saw them.

* Sun - Can you beat the fact it's sunny today?!  While I've said it before, I don't mind the gray, wet PNW, I feel like dancing today.  Mostly because the sun is outtttttt.

Monday...

Guess what I did this weekend? 
NOTHING.  That's right.  I did nothing.  I played on my new iPad.  I watched a movie.  I drank wine and enjoyed my own company. 
I don't know if it's considered selfish or egotistical, or weird or what - but sometimes I think I have the most fun when I am alone.  I can watch/listen to whatever I want, I can wear PJs and skip makeup...it's always a good time.  Now, don't get me wrong, I have a great time with my friends when I DO go out...
Maybe it's the fact I deal with people all day long.  When I'm working I have to be "on" 100% of the time.  Sometimes I need to decompress.  With a cigarette, bunny slippers and silence. 

New Toys...No New Boys...

I'm typing this on my new iPad. It's awkward. Perhaps I should try removing the protective plastic casing. I'm in love with it, however. The iPad, not the casing.

Thursday...

* Why does nothing beat a good, cathartic cry? Really. Last weekend, after my great Wednesday night, the earthquake, etc. I put in a sappy movie and cried. Hard. Even harder after I downloaded sappy country songs. I was sad - true - but I wanted to be. I wanted the release which only comes with sobbing until your lungs hurt. There comes a point in such a breakdown where you take a big gulp of air, tip your chin back towards the sky and let calm once again come over you. There was not one specific reason to be upset. I am in a great, happy place in my life. I just needed liberation. From everything.

Ani DiFranco- 32 Flavors

Manic Monday...

* My body clock does NOT like Daylight Savings. I'm tired. Mostly because I stayed up late to watch "Sister Wives". I find mind control fascinating.

* Realizing my youth is flying by, I think I need to be more grateful. Today I am grateful for:

* Flirtation - Really. Is there anything better than the early stages of a good, healthy flirtatious relationship?

* Butterflies - This goes back to flirtation. Joni Mitchell described this as "the dizzy dancing way you feel". Well said.

* Friends Who Listen - Even if You Are Repeating The Same Old Rant - Stef must be getting tired of the "I care but I don't" texts. Danny must think the interpreting is annoying - but they're my friends and they just keep on letting me work this one out for myself. Amazing people surround me. I am extremely lucky. For D and S, and for all the others who know me and love me just the same.

* Hope - The ability to know it, have it, appreciate it. Tattooed on muh body - might be the most important gift I have ever found within myself.

* A Job in a Field I Love - I have a love/hate relationship with it - but isn't that the point? It's work, after all.

* The 6th Sense Feeling You Get When You Know Something is Trouble - we have the choice more often than not. Today I choose to go ahead and let myself sink into the trouble I have created. Owning it is half the battle.

Yesssss...

There are days when - despite a majorly major hangover, you have to just smile. Today is one of those days. I did it up right last night. Like, really.
Drinking games. Drag queens. Shots. Dancing. Karaoke. Armenian cab drivers. Passionate kisses. Good ipod mixes. Deep talks. Lust. 4am Bedtimes. 6am Alarms. Un-awkward mornings after. No regrets. No attachment. Pure and unadulterated perfection.

I'm really proud of myself. I, my friends, am not a stick in the mud. Oh no. I am a damn good time.

Things I Know - Tuesday Edition

* Attitude is everything.

* Waking up to a twinge of daylight today, for the first time this year makes me smile. I am not one to complain about the darkness and rain - but I am excited about the idea of Spring. Spring means travel, flowers, outdoor patios, and fresh starts.

* I enjoy being good at my job. I am feeling confident in myself as of late - maybe because I am kicking ass. Or I think I am. There I go questioning myself again...

* Speaking of outdoor patios and travel - I leave in 25 days. So excited. I am pretty sure I am going to pass out at the first sight of anything Italian. It's so romanticized in my head -sitting at a sidewalk cafe, sipping cappuccino, staring at beautiful men zipping by on Vespas. Sigh.

* The idea of flying for an entire day freaks me out. I cry, shake, rash out at the very thought of flying to California, yet alone over the Atlantic. What lies on the other side is more than enough inspiration to do it, however Mary's new acquisition of Ambien has me worried about the flight for reasons even farther out of my control. Can't you just see it now? A plane full of sleeping travelers, quietly snoozing...and out of nowhere, a petite older Southern lady is dancing in the aisles, cha-cha-ing her way through the rows. Oh dear. Ohhhh dear.

Foodie???

I love everything culinary. The food, the people, the scene - all things "foodie" have me under a spell. I follow the 411 in the restaurant scene. I know the meanings of the fancy french words. My favorite show is Top Chef. Micheal Voltaggio has my heart, along with Gabriel Rucker (gotta keep it local, too). I try to learn something new about food everyday. Living in a city ripe (pun intended) with extraordinary restaurants makes me giddy. I can't imagine being stuck in a Midwestern town with nothing but Chili's and Red Lobster. My soul would wither away. The funny thing is I am a vegetarian and refuse to eat flesh. Another telling aspect to the conundrum which is my life. Perhaps it is time to venture out. Maybe bacon is the gateway meat. Just sayin'.

Grown Up Vs. Grown Ass...

* Last night was a good reminder of why I am thankful I am a grown up. I have skillz now, not dramaz. Word.

* I apparently look 12. Yes, this was told to me by someone who I would much rather view me as sexy. Hot. Smokin'. Alas, I am "cute". Cute?! What am I 12? Yes, I asked this in return. Their response? "You do look 12 sometimes You have those young features". How, do you suppose, I should interpret that?

Le Sigh...

Well, looks like I shaved my legs in vein this morning. The boy is now working until midnight tonight, instead of hanging out with yours truly. ANNOYING. I mean, I can't blame the guy for working. He needs the hours, I get that. But...I was looking forward to it. Sigh.

It's a good thing I didn't plan my entire week around him...oops.

Looks like my good friend boxed wine and I will have a very hot date this evening. I should probably invite DVR. He's always a kick in the pants. I need to start painting again. Maybe tonight would be a good time to do so. Only I don't have a clue where an art supply store is in Vancouver - and I'm not sure I would want to find out. This city scares me. I feel far more comfortable on the south side of the Columbia River. Things are just easier over there.

Example: Last night I needed gas - no way I would have made it back to Oregon. So, I put on my big girl pants and drove to the closest service station. One problem. I could. not. make. it. work. Seriously, 20 minutes of futzing with the damn thing. I turned around, hoping someone would see my distress and come to my rescue - sure enough, Justin and Mariah from the banquet staff were right there! I frantically waved my arms at Justin, asking him to please get out of the car and assist me. He begrudgingly came to my side, looking at me like I was seriously inept. Justin took one look at the pump and told me to go inside to pay. That's it. I am officially a spoiled, helpless Oregonian. Sigh.