Talent?

Around an outside fire, puffing on ciggies and drinking bourbon, wrapped in scarves and donning winter coats for the first time last night, Alex and I began the topic of talents. Alex can sing - and well, mind you. I wasn't sure what my talent would be...or if I've ever cultivated one. I can knit, I can cook, I can do lots of things...but that's different than being talented. Alex brought up my ability to write. Perhaps the written word is the closest thing to a talent I possess. So here's my pledge to you: I will work on honing my craft. I will once again blog.

Things I Know - Wednesday Edition

June 17th?!
It's been THAT long?!
Much has happened - many new doors opened and many ones shut...all in good time, my friends.

* Being made to feel useful is the best.  Useful often breeds some sort of respect - even power.  Being used has the complete opposite feeling.  The two are very hard to differentiate between.  Or they have been for me lately. 

Never mind - I'm not ready to discuss the above topic yet.  I'm never at a loss for words - this shows you what a mind fu*k the situation has been.

Alright - things I know...today:
* Sometimes a good friend, who knows how much you love Mexican food, Parliament Lights, PBR, sitting on a porch during the first rain of the season, and understands your addiction to the trendy burger joint is more valuable than a gaggle of friends rallying to celebrate you.  A good laugh, being comfortable in your own skin and in the company you are with counts for a lot.  So what if every other girl bailed on my "birthday celebration"?  My yoga-pant-wearing, little dog-toting pal made me feel celebrated - and at ease - a feeling rare around these parts as of late.

* I really do thrive when I take the time I need to decompress.  Working from home is proving to be a great situation for doing so.  I am not rushing out the door, into my car, into the office, into a meeting, out the door, to a happy hour, etc.  I am taking the time to plan things and accomplish them with the tact and level of priority I deem appropriate.  My office mate (Reggie the fish) also doesn't gossip much and rarely annoys me with talk of nonsense.

* I am feeling a bit aggressive today.  Yesterday was the same story.  I'm not naive enough to play dumb to the anger - I know exactly where it stems from.  My feelings are hurt and my ego is bruised - although I am not sure I can reconcile the latter.  I have no regrets in my 29 years...only perhaps I shouldn't have started smoking all those years ago.  Other than that...

* Jealousy is consuming.  I know to run far from the gross feeling when it enters my mind.  But let's be honest - jealousy happens.  So take your freakin' huge ass diamond ring and kiss off (aggressive - I warned you).

* Random thought - related to two separate nights in the last three months - JELLO SHOTS ARE NEVER A GOOD IDEA.  Nothing great ever materializes because of their existence.  Ever.

Things I Know...Friday Edition

 I haven't had much to say lately.  Things are pretty monotonous, boring, bland.

* I am having a dinner party tomorrow.  My first real, grown up dinner party.  The occasion is "Midsgiving", celebrating the halfway point to Thanksgiving.  A random assortment of characters will be there - people I am thankful for and whose company I value and enjoy.  Funny hats are a requirement.  Seriously.  My cooking skills will most likely fail but as long as there is wine...right???  We will be having a cheese display, salad, pasta, and Bre is bringing dessert.  Everyone is bringing their own chair and drink of choice.  I am hoping for a rowdy round of boardgames after dinner and lots of laughs.  Linens and tables were drug from work to my tiny appartment, hopefully I can find some extra white dishes and only 6 people can drink wine.  Unless someone uses the santa mug...I just want to have fun.  I am very blessed - and mostly by the strong, funny, fierce people in my life.  Celebrating them is the most fun thing I could think of. 

Things I Know...Friday Edition

* Holiday weekends are the stuff dreams are made of.  Or at least the anticipation leading up to one is.

* Everyone around me is getting married.  Really.  Granted, my profession fuels this fact.

* My friend called me her "Man Eater Hero" this week.  Proud?  Of course.  Second guessing my actions as of late?  Of course. 

* I am avoiding the DEQ.  I don't know why.   It sounds awful. 

Things I Know I DONT Want...

What THAT was ugly. 
* I am referring to my experience (2 dates, to be exact) with a guy.  I will spare you all the nitty gritty and cut to the chase.  There are some great things about this guy...andddddddd some not so great things.

* He's Catholic!
* His parents are still married...but he's a divorcee.
* He has his Master's degree...but he just got his teaching certificate 2 weeks ago.
* He has a job...but it's as a security guard at a local high school (!!).
* He is taller than me...but by less than a fraction of an inch.
* He has a car...but it's older than me.  For reals.
* He has a house...oh wait.  It's his parents'. 
* He brought wine...but it was Ravenswood and House Wine.
* He is a baseball fan...but he roots for the Yanks.
* He brought me flowers...but they were in a recycled salsa jar.
* He has tattoos...but one of them may or may not be tribal. 
* ...He had really ugly shoes.

And wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...
* He brought cheese (my favorite thing!)...but...IT WAS USED CHEESE. 

What is "used cheese" you may ask.  Well, simply put, he brought cheese from his refrigerator.  Wrapped in a Ziploc bag and I believe there was a rubber band involved?  Here's my question.  When he was at Safeway buying cheap wine and cheap flowers, why didn't he just grab new cheese?  Like, if this was his favorite kind and he wanted to share, why wouldn't he get a new block?  I just don't understand leaving one's house and grabbing open cheese from your refrigerator to take somewhere.  I can't wrap my mind around that.  Ohhhhh guess what?  He took it with him when he left.  

Needless to say, there will not be a third date.  Oves. 

Today is Wednesday...

Today is Wednesday...what this means:
* I have to attend the weekly banquet event order (BEO) meeting.  In theory, this meeting is awful.  I don't really mind it, however.  I enjoy my F & B team.  We are funny people - we have fun.   

* I have come into the best group of ladies.  Rarely do I trust women - especially like this.  When you know, you know, though, and I know.  We are all extremely opinionated, passionate and different on so many levels.  Most importantly, we are hilarious.  In the last 7 days we have gotten into a heated discussion on religion, reactivated and deactivated 3 separate facebook accounts, gotten tattoos (!!) at 1:15 in the morning at a parlor called Sea Tramp, corrupted an innocent coworker, had a 90's themed dance party, shut down a bar in tears, eaten at least 10 hamburgers, insulted the eye wear of a local skeez, designated a bar as our own...and I am talking all in one week.  There's more debauchery in the three of us than in most college frat houses.  Just sayin'. 

* I have a date tonight.  A.  Date.  I have a DATEEEEEE.  Obviously, I am freaking out.  I don't have the foggiest clue what I am doing.  I can woo the opposite sex, no problem, but attending something as traditional as a "date" has me thrown.  Cocktails after work.  Around 6.  I don't want to screw this one up.  I mean, on paper this one has real potential.  Fingers crossed. 

Things I know - Tuesday Edition

* Laughter heals all.  I mean it.  How can you be grumpy, sad, self-loathing, or lonely when you are sitting at a table of new friends - who for some reason trust more than some old - laughing so hard your face hurts? 

* Family is not made up of blood and flesh.  Farrrrr from it.  Those who carry the same DNA as me are not my family.  My family are those who have wiped my tears, laughed at my jokes, held my hand when I was scared and done so willingly.  I have no qualms about returning the favor, either. I love my family (parents and those of you who know you've earned the title) more fiercely than I hate my past. 

* I am overly needy at times.  I need to be reassured I am loved, important, good at what I do, and reassured often.  I am an extremely independent person - and I love myself.  I am not insecure - that's not the problem.  I just "need".  Does that make sense? 

* I am happy today.  I have nothing to complain about.