Friday, October 19, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Oh heyyyyyy...
As it turns out, matters of the heart are in fact, felt in the middle torso of the body. There's the slight leap of joy and a missed heart beat when something wonderful happens - something elatious. Of course, on the other side, there is the stab. I'm not even going to bother explaining this one - we have all been there. The punch - the stab- the yank. Whatever you want to call it. When it is good - it's great. And it is. Really, really, great. But. Apparently, as I am being reminded as I write this, my thoughts are irrevelent.
Things I know TODAY:
* Being adored is really the best. Once that wains, its time to reexamine. Easier said than done.
* I am a psycho about change. I need to leave more to chance - and erase old phone numbers.
* Nobody is worth this many tears. They wouldn't make me cry if they were worth it.
Right?
...I know, I'm just complaining.
As it turns out, matters of the heart are in fact, felt in the middle torso of the body. There's the slight leap of joy and a missed heart beat when something wonderful happens - something elatious. Of course, on the other side, there is the stab. I'm not even going to bother explaining this one - we have all been there. The punch - the stab- the yank. Whatever you want to call it. When it is good - it's great. And it is. Really, really, great. But. Apparently, as I am being reminded as I write this, my thoughts are irrevelent.
Things I know TODAY:
* Being adored is really the best. Once that wains, its time to reexamine. Easier said than done.
* I am a psycho about change. I need to leave more to chance - and erase old phone numbers.
* Nobody is worth this many tears. They wouldn't make me cry if they were worth it.
Right?
...I know, I'm just complaining.
Friday, April 27, 2012
!?!?!?
It's Friday...and I am in a "mood". A justified one. I can not explain. Other than to say...
Men, in general, are silly creatures. Not all of you are dumb but most of you are. I cannot waste my time or energy with a low-life emotionally cheating bastard. So there. I'm hurt. He's an ass...surprising...
Men, in general, are silly creatures. Not all of you are dumb but most of you are. I cannot waste my time or energy with a low-life emotionally cheating bastard. So there. I'm hurt. He's an ass...surprising...
Friday, January 20, 2012
It's All Good, Baby, Baby!
Friday. Today is Friday.
I still can't leave the house or see anyone but it's Friday. I don't have to get out of bed tomorrow. I will, I'm just saying...
I purchased a white, velvet chair today. A monumental feat, considering it is the first piece of furniture I have ever bought. Alone. The table, baker's rack, coffee table...all with one boyfriend or another. Everything else has been gifted to me by my parent's move, etc. Even the cutting boards - there are two - one from each of my long term relationships. Odd, really. It's going to be the best chair ever. Even if it's not. It's MY chair.
It's a little out there, a little gaudy and just right for the mood I am in. Classic and risky. I like it.
My mind is in a weird place, my heart in an even weirder one. How DO people manage to be so carefree in their dating life? Oh, wait. That was me. So, then, who is this girl? A freaked out, over analytical ball of nerves and confusion. Enough on that topic. Enjoy your Friday. I'm going to prop my feet up, put on a happy song and nod my head to the beat.
I still can't leave the house or see anyone but it's Friday. I don't have to get out of bed tomorrow. I will, I'm just saying...
I purchased a white, velvet chair today. A monumental feat, considering it is the first piece of furniture I have ever bought. Alone. The table, baker's rack, coffee table...all with one boyfriend or another. Everything else has been gifted to me by my parent's move, etc. Even the cutting boards - there are two - one from each of my long term relationships. Odd, really. It's going to be the best chair ever. Even if it's not. It's MY chair.
It's a little out there, a little gaudy and just right for the mood I am in. Classic and risky. I like it.
My mind is in a weird place, my heart in an even weirder one. How DO people manage to be so carefree in their dating life? Oh, wait. That was me. So, then, who is this girl? A freaked out, over analytical ball of nerves and confusion. Enough on that topic. Enjoy your Friday. I'm going to prop my feet up, put on a happy song and nod my head to the beat.
Monday, January 16, 2012
It's Raining...It's Pouring...I have MONO?!?
Yes, the irony is not lost on me. I have mono. Go ahead, laugh it up. In the meantime, I will do my best to find the silver lining in quarantine. Sigh.
* It's raining - or snowing - or something in between. A downright lovely day. Good thing I am not supposed to leave my house.
* My best friend is moving today - into a "big girl house". One with a basement and multiple bedrooms. When did adulthood thrust itself upon my social circle? I mean, wasn't it yesterday it was okay to use your parent's address as your "permanent mailing location"??
* How much of a good thing turns it into a negative? This question applies to a lot of facets of my life: booze, cigarettes, junk food, caffeine...attention...
* It's raining - or snowing - or something in between. A downright lovely day. Good thing I am not supposed to leave my house.
* My best friend is moving today - into a "big girl house". One with a basement and multiple bedrooms. When did adulthood thrust itself upon my social circle? I mean, wasn't it yesterday it was okay to use your parent's address as your "permanent mailing location"??
* How much of a good thing turns it into a negative? This question applies to a lot of facets of my life: booze, cigarettes, junk food, caffeine...attention...
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Things I Know...Tuesday Edition
Today I am feeling hopeful. Today is going to be the start of my "Happiness Project". I am generally a happy person but I tend to whine. A lot. Too much. Complaining and whining. Blahhhhh. Who wants to be around that? Instead of doing so, I am going to focus on the gifts and positive aspects in my life.
* I have the best family. Best. My mother and father are good, funny people who are wiser than I give them credit for. My best friends are family, too. I have a support system that can't be rivaled. Somehow I have surrounded myself with amazing, strong, fiercely loyal, hilarious people. I am not sure what I did to deserve them but I will take it, and do my best to make them feel how very much I love them.
* I have managed to stumble into something that sort of resembles a relationship? An older guy with a creative edge, M is really quite wonderful. Pensive, smart, funny...now if only he had health insurance and wasn't 12 years older than me...???? I am going to do my best to enjoy the situation and live in the moment. The rest will figure itself out.
* I am going to take 2012 by storm. I will:
* Write Everyday * Be More Thankful * Start Creating Again * Challenge Myself * Forgive * Drink More Water * Appreciate The Good And Purge The Bad * Laugh More And Frown Less
* I have the best family. Best. My mother and father are good, funny people who are wiser than I give them credit for. My best friends are family, too. I have a support system that can't be rivaled. Somehow I have surrounded myself with amazing, strong, fiercely loyal, hilarious people. I am not sure what I did to deserve them but I will take it, and do my best to make them feel how very much I love them.
* I have managed to stumble into something that sort of resembles a relationship? An older guy with a creative edge, M is really quite wonderful. Pensive, smart, funny...now if only he had health insurance and wasn't 12 years older than me...???? I am going to do my best to enjoy the situation and live in the moment. The rest will figure itself out.
* I am going to take 2012 by storm. I will:
* Write Everyday * Be More Thankful * Start Creating Again * Challenge Myself * Forgive * Drink More Water * Appreciate The Good And Purge The Bad * Laugh More And Frown Less
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Things I Know...Thursday Edition (I Thought it Was Friday ALLLLL DAY)
Maybe, just maybe, I am ready to grow up...this is still up in the air.
Things I know to be true as of this exact moment:
* Sunday Fundays are wildly fun - until the alarm rings on Monday. You would think I would have learned this one by now. I have what can only be described as a contusion on my right arm from a fall I can't remember and have successfully managed to detach myself from my actions. The problem is - I don't want to be detached. I want to be present in my own life and learn to feel the emotions my interactions and lack there of should induce. The majority of people don't believe me when I say I can have no emotion towards a situation. Only the ones who know exactly how callous I can be, can wrap their mind around the fact I can "shut it off". These tend to be the people who have actually seen me feel - and know the location of my breakdowns (What? It's really soft bath mat).
* There is little point in trying to understand the unexplainable. Sometimes things just happen. Good and bad, awful and hilarious - we can control very little in this world except our reactions to our encounters.
* The littlest gestures make the biggest impact. Being the voice of reason when someone over-googles medical symptoms, erasing an exe's number from a heartsick friend's phone, offering to sit on the couch with an under the weather companion, or my personal fave as of late - bringing a completely unhealthy meal of Taco Bell to a sick friend - these are the real, day to day actions of a meaningful relationship.
* The holidays really aren't as great of a time as we all pretend they are. Sure, we put the smiles on and pretend it's "hap, hap, happiest season of all". In reality, the holidays make me miserable - and I know I'm not alone here. Of course I am glad to spend time with my family (or in hindsight I will be glad I did so even if I am dreading it now) but to be honest, the holidays remind me of the relationships I don't have - of the people who aren't with us to celebrate - the emptiness my best friend must be feeling celebrating without her mom for the first time. That sh*t sucks. The good news is we get to start over. We are given a chance to put all those silly, negative thoughts behind us and focus on the hope of a clean slate. Ah, hope - how very grateful for you I am.
* Sometimes it's the most unexpected people who keep us up until ungodly hours, smiling and secretly hoping the ding of the text notification is them.
Things I know to be true as of this exact moment:
* Sunday Fundays are wildly fun - until the alarm rings on Monday. You would think I would have learned this one by now. I have what can only be described as a contusion on my right arm from a fall I can't remember and have successfully managed to detach myself from my actions. The problem is - I don't want to be detached. I want to be present in my own life and learn to feel the emotions my interactions and lack there of should induce. The majority of people don't believe me when I say I can have no emotion towards a situation. Only the ones who know exactly how callous I can be, can wrap their mind around the fact I can "shut it off". These tend to be the people who have actually seen me feel - and know the location of my breakdowns (What? It's really soft bath mat).
* There is little point in trying to understand the unexplainable. Sometimes things just happen. Good and bad, awful and hilarious - we can control very little in this world except our reactions to our encounters.
* The littlest gestures make the biggest impact. Being the voice of reason when someone over-googles medical symptoms, erasing an exe's number from a heartsick friend's phone, offering to sit on the couch with an under the weather companion, or my personal fave as of late - bringing a completely unhealthy meal of Taco Bell to a sick friend - these are the real, day to day actions of a meaningful relationship.
* The holidays really aren't as great of a time as we all pretend they are. Sure, we put the smiles on and pretend it's "hap, hap, happiest season of all". In reality, the holidays make me miserable - and I know I'm not alone here. Of course I am glad to spend time with my family (or in hindsight I will be glad I did so even if I am dreading it now) but to be honest, the holidays remind me of the relationships I don't have - of the people who aren't with us to celebrate - the emptiness my best friend must be feeling celebrating without her mom for the first time. That sh*t sucks. The good news is we get to start over. We are given a chance to put all those silly, negative thoughts behind us and focus on the hope of a clean slate. Ah, hope - how very grateful for you I am.
* Sometimes it's the most unexpected people who keep us up until ungodly hours, smiling and secretly hoping the ding of the text notification is them.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Things I know...Wet Wednesday Edition
Today is really blah. The weather is horrendous - but I don't mind bad weather. I kind of enjoy the dark, damp excuse for Oregon's winter season. I just have had zero motivation to do anything except practice my eBay skills. It's 3:28 and I just poured a glass of wine. Whoops. I feel like I could complain about a lot today but I am not going to let myself. Instead, I will focus on the blessings I have in my life, ever so small.
* The maintenance guys and I are moving on from "hi...hi" conversations in the hallway to "Hey, you! How was the wedding?". The joys of working from home. It's like I have some random form of office mates. They just work here...as do I, I suppose. The younger of the two might be developing a crush on me. I could be totally wrong, he just turns really red when I walk by in my super tight cropped yoga pants. Like, realllllly red.
* I am reminding myself I am single because I want to be. Of course I could be involved with someone (anyone) if I actually tried. Take the maintenance guy, for instance. JOKING. I consciously choose to stay home or keep my attention focused when I do go out. I have not "put it out there" that I am looking. Am I looking? Sigh.
* I think I need to start researching under-eye creams. Things are beginning to look crepey. It could be the fact I have had zero water today...but what if I am beginning to look "old"????? Deep breaths. I did just get carded for cigarettes yesterday. Remain calm.
* I really enjoy sappy Youtube videos. I won't waste your time posting links. For reals, though...a good cry is worth it's weight in gold. Perhaps I should research going back birth control along with eye cream. My hormones are wacky.
* The maintenance guys and I are moving on from "hi...hi" conversations in the hallway to "Hey, you! How was the wedding?". The joys of working from home. It's like I have some random form of office mates. They just work here...as do I, I suppose. The younger of the two might be developing a crush on me. I could be totally wrong, he just turns really red when I walk by in my super tight cropped yoga pants. Like, realllllly red.
* I am reminding myself I am single because I want to be. Of course I could be involved with someone (anyone) if I actually tried. Take the maintenance guy, for instance. JOKING. I consciously choose to stay home or keep my attention focused when I do go out. I have not "put it out there" that I am looking. Am I looking? Sigh.
* I think I need to start researching under-eye creams. Things are beginning to look crepey. It could be the fact I have had zero water today...but what if I am beginning to look "old"????? Deep breaths. I did just get carded for cigarettes yesterday. Remain calm.
* I really enjoy sappy Youtube videos. I won't waste your time posting links. For reals, though...a good cry is worth it's weight in gold. Perhaps I should research going back birth control along with eye cream. My hormones are wacky.
* I talked to a client named Rick Jones today...had to refrain from yelling out "I'm Rick Jones, Bitch!" at him. I know, I know...it's Rick James...but Jones is just so close!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Things I know...Tuesday Edition
I can't believe it's over. THE celebration of the year is over. OVER. My best friend's wedding was an insanely good time, with laughter, a few tears, horrendous dancing, and, well...
Let me put it this way. As I have stated before, I choose to live with no regrets. There's no point. None of can go back and change our past actions. Plus, sometimes, our indiscretions are fun. All vagueness aside...things I know...post-wedding edition, brought to you by Tuesday.
* Watching someone you care about be extremely happy is extremely rewarding. I am so glad the couple has each other. Their comfort brings me comfort. Of course, if I'm being honest, the "in your face" gushiness associated with weddings also makes me incredibly lonely. I am so far from that spot...I know I will get there...I know I will...right?! The acid in my stomach churns as I realize I am farther from settling down than I ever have been before. I have not been in any kind of relationship in over two years. I have enjoyed being single - I have learned who I am, as an adult. The last two years have taught me about self esteem, self hatred and self discovery. Here in lies the question - NOW WHAT? As Danny would say I've spent single hood dating like a guy. Unattached encounters have their place in this world - I'm just not so sure they still have a place in mine. No man I've associated with as of late is going to ask me on a date. My laize fair attitude about dating and men in general has left me with a sour taste. I think if I actually think about it - if I actually allow myself to be honest, all I have done is hurt my own feelings. The way I allow myself to be perceived in the eyes of the men in my life does not lend itself to marriage. Causality is fun, right? It's sexy to be the girl who doesn't need to snuggle, right? Ugh. (Not that I will EVER be okay with the term "snuggle)...
I'm trying to figure out if I ever actually believed it's possible to remain unattached...the semi-pro baller in Seattle, the auction co-chair, the groomsman...I think there is a part of me who might have thought they would wind up caring. I don't know. To be honest, I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to have companionship. Something that might last more than one night. I just don't want to deal with dating. Dating is awful. Dating is torturous. Dating...sigh. Dating.
Let me put it this way. As I have stated before, I choose to live with no regrets. There's no point. None of can go back and change our past actions. Plus, sometimes, our indiscretions are fun. All vagueness aside...things I know...post-wedding edition, brought to you by Tuesday.
* Watching someone you care about be extremely happy is extremely rewarding. I am so glad the couple has each other. Their comfort brings me comfort. Of course, if I'm being honest, the "in your face" gushiness associated with weddings also makes me incredibly lonely. I am so far from that spot...I know I will get there...I know I will...right?! The acid in my stomach churns as I realize I am farther from settling down than I ever have been before. I have not been in any kind of relationship in over two years. I have enjoyed being single - I have learned who I am, as an adult. The last two years have taught me about self esteem, self hatred and self discovery. Here in lies the question - NOW WHAT? As Danny would say I've spent single hood dating like a guy. Unattached encounters have their place in this world - I'm just not so sure they still have a place in mine. No man I've associated with as of late is going to ask me on a date. My laize fair attitude about dating and men in general has left me with a sour taste. I think if I actually think about it - if I actually allow myself to be honest, all I have done is hurt my own feelings. The way I allow myself to be perceived in the eyes of the men in my life does not lend itself to marriage. Causality is fun, right? It's sexy to be the girl who doesn't need to snuggle, right? Ugh. (Not that I will EVER be okay with the term "snuggle)...
I'm trying to figure out if I ever actually believed it's possible to remain unattached...the semi-pro baller in Seattle, the auction co-chair, the groomsman...I think there is a part of me who might have thought they would wind up caring. I don't know. To be honest, I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to have companionship. Something that might last more than one night. I just don't want to deal with dating. Dating is awful. Dating is torturous. Dating...sigh. Dating.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Things I know...post wedding edition
Despite a promise to write, I haven't. Yeah, yeah. I know.
My best friend got married Saturday. Ugh. Never mind. This post requires more poise than I can give it right now. Let's just say this...her love and companionship is noteworthy. I made no strides in getting anywhere close to what she has post-reception. I had a great time...more to come.
My best friend got married Saturday. Ugh. Never mind. This post requires more poise than I can give it right now. Let's just say this...her love and companionship is noteworthy. I made no strides in getting anywhere close to what she has post-reception. I had a great time...more to come.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Talent?
Around an outside fire, puffing on ciggies and drinking bourbon, wrapped in scarves and donning winter coats for the first time last night, Alex and I began the topic of talents. Alex can sing - and well, mind you. I wasn't sure what my talent would be...or if I've ever cultivated one. I can knit, I can cook, I can do lots of things...but that's different than being talented. Alex brought up my ability to write. Perhaps the written word is the closest thing to a talent I possess. So here's my pledge to you: I will work on honing my craft. I will once again blog.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Things I Know - Wednesday Edition
June 17th?!
It's been THAT long?!
Much has happened - many new doors opened and many ones shut...all in good time, my friends.
* Being made to feel useful is the best. Useful often breeds some sort of respect - even power. Being used has the complete opposite feeling. The two are very hard to differentiate between. Or they have been for me lately.
Never mind - I'm not ready to discuss the above topic yet. I'm never at a loss for words - this shows you what a mind fu*k the situation has been.
Alright - things I know...today:
* Sometimes a good friend, who knows how much you love Mexican food, Parliament Lights, PBR, sitting on a porch during the first rain of the season, and understands your addiction to the trendy burger joint is more valuable than a gaggle of friends rallying to celebrate you. A good laugh, being comfortable in your own skin and in the company you are with counts for a lot. So what if every other girl bailed on my "birthday celebration"? My yoga-pant-wearing, little dog-toting pal made me feel celebrated - and at ease - a feeling rare around these parts as of late.
* I really do thrive when I take the time I need to decompress. Working from home is proving to be a great situation for doing so. I am not rushing out the door, into my car, into the office, into a meeting, out the door, to a happy hour, etc. I am taking the time to plan things and accomplish them with the tact and level of priority I deem appropriate. My office mate (Reggie the fish) also doesn't gossip much and rarely annoys me with talk of nonsense.
* I am feeling a bit aggressive today. Yesterday was the same story. I'm not naive enough to play dumb to the anger - I know exactly where it stems from. My feelings are hurt and my ego is bruised - although I am not sure I can reconcile the latter. I have no regrets in my 29 years...only perhaps I shouldn't have started smoking all those years ago. Other than that...
* Jealousy is consuming. I know to run far from the gross feeling when it enters my mind. But let's be honest - jealousy happens. So take your freakin' huge ass diamond ring and kiss off (aggressive - I warned you).
* Random thought - related to two separate nights in the last three months - JELLO SHOTS ARE NEVER A GOOD IDEA. Nothing great ever materializes because of their existence. Ever.
It's been THAT long?!
Much has happened - many new doors opened and many ones shut...all in good time, my friends.
* Being made to feel useful is the best. Useful often breeds some sort of respect - even power. Being used has the complete opposite feeling. The two are very hard to differentiate between. Or they have been for me lately.
Never mind - I'm not ready to discuss the above topic yet. I'm never at a loss for words - this shows you what a mind fu*k the situation has been.
Alright - things I know...today:
* Sometimes a good friend, who knows how much you love Mexican food, Parliament Lights, PBR, sitting on a porch during the first rain of the season, and understands your addiction to the trendy burger joint is more valuable than a gaggle of friends rallying to celebrate you. A good laugh, being comfortable in your own skin and in the company you are with counts for a lot. So what if every other girl bailed on my "birthday celebration"? My yoga-pant-wearing, little dog-toting pal made me feel celebrated - and at ease - a feeling rare around these parts as of late.
* I really do thrive when I take the time I need to decompress. Working from home is proving to be a great situation for doing so. I am not rushing out the door, into my car, into the office, into a meeting, out the door, to a happy hour, etc. I am taking the time to plan things and accomplish them with the tact and level of priority I deem appropriate. My office mate (Reggie the fish) also doesn't gossip much and rarely annoys me with talk of nonsense.
* I am feeling a bit aggressive today. Yesterday was the same story. I'm not naive enough to play dumb to the anger - I know exactly where it stems from. My feelings are hurt and my ego is bruised - although I am not sure I can reconcile the latter. I have no regrets in my 29 years...only perhaps I shouldn't have started smoking all those years ago. Other than that...
* Jealousy is consuming. I know to run far from the gross feeling when it enters my mind. But let's be honest - jealousy happens. So take your freakin' huge ass diamond ring and kiss off (aggressive - I warned you).
* Random thought - related to two separate nights in the last three months - JELLO SHOTS ARE NEVER A GOOD IDEA. Nothing great ever materializes because of their existence. Ever.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Things I Know...Friday Edition
I haven't had much to say lately. Things are pretty monotonous, boring, bland.
* I am having a dinner party tomorrow. My first real, grown up dinner party. The occasion is "Midsgiving", celebrating the halfway point to Thanksgiving. A random assortment of characters will be there - people I am thankful for and whose company I value and enjoy. Funny hats are a requirement. Seriously. My cooking skills will most likely fail but as long as there is wine...right??? We will be having a cheese display, salad, pasta, and Bre is bringing dessert. Everyone is bringing their own chair and drink of choice. I am hoping for a rowdy round of boardgames after dinner and lots of laughs. Linens and tables were drug from work to my tiny appartment, hopefully I can find some extra white dishes and only 6 people can drink wine. Unless someone uses the santa mug...I just want to have fun. I am very blessed - and mostly by the strong, funny, fierce people in my life. Celebrating them is the most fun thing I could think of.
* I am having a dinner party tomorrow. My first real, grown up dinner party. The occasion is "Midsgiving", celebrating the halfway point to Thanksgiving. A random assortment of characters will be there - people I am thankful for and whose company I value and enjoy. Funny hats are a requirement. Seriously. My cooking skills will most likely fail but as long as there is wine...right??? We will be having a cheese display, salad, pasta, and Bre is bringing dessert. Everyone is bringing their own chair and drink of choice. I am hoping for a rowdy round of boardgames after dinner and lots of laughs. Linens and tables were drug from work to my tiny appartment, hopefully I can find some extra white dishes and only 6 people can drink wine. Unless someone uses the santa mug...I just want to have fun. I am very blessed - and mostly by the strong, funny, fierce people in my life. Celebrating them is the most fun thing I could think of.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Things I Know...Friday Edition
* Holiday weekends are the stuff dreams are made of. Or at least the anticipation leading up to one is.
* Everyone around me is getting married. Really. Granted, my profession fuels this fact.
* My friend called me her "Man Eater Hero" this week. Proud? Of course. Second guessing my actions as of late? Of course.
* I am avoiding the DEQ. I don't know why. It sounds awful.
* Everyone around me is getting married. Really. Granted, my profession fuels this fact.
* My friend called me her "Man Eater Hero" this week. Proud? Of course. Second guessing my actions as of late? Of course.
* I am avoiding the DEQ. I don't know why. It sounds awful.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Things I Know I DONT Want...
What THAT was ugly.
* I am referring to my experience (2 dates, to be exact) with a guy. I will spare you all the nitty gritty and cut to the chase. There are some great things about this guy...andddddddd some not so great things.
* He's Catholic!
* His parents are still married...but he's a divorcee.
* He has his Master's degree...but he just got his teaching certificate 2 weeks ago.
* He has a job...but it's as a security guard at a local high school (!!).
* He is taller than me...but by less than a fraction of an inch.
* He has a car...but it's older than me. For reals.
* He has a house...oh wait. It's his parents'.
* He brought wine...but it was Ravenswood and House Wine.
* He is a baseball fan...but he roots for the Yanks.
* He brought me flowers...but they were in a recycled salsa jar.
* He has tattoos...but one of them may or may not be tribal.
* ...He had really ugly shoes.
And wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...
* He brought cheese (my favorite thing!)...but...IT WAS USED CHEESE.
What is "used cheese" you may ask. Well, simply put, he brought cheese from his refrigerator. Wrapped in a Ziploc bag and I believe there was a rubber band involved? Here's my question. When he was at Safeway buying cheap wine and cheap flowers, why didn't he just grab new cheese? Like, if this was his favorite kind and he wanted to share, why wouldn't he get a new block? I just don't understand leaving one's house and grabbing open cheese from your refrigerator to take somewhere. I can't wrap my mind around that. Ohhhhh guess what? He took it with him when he left.
Needless to say, there will not be a third date. Oves.
* I am referring to my experience (2 dates, to be exact) with a guy. I will spare you all the nitty gritty and cut to the chase. There are some great things about this guy...andddddddd some not so great things.
* He's Catholic!
* His parents are still married...but he's a divorcee.
* He has his Master's degree...but he just got his teaching certificate 2 weeks ago.
* He has a job...but it's as a security guard at a local high school (!!).
* He is taller than me...but by less than a fraction of an inch.
* He has a car...but it's older than me. For reals.
* He has a house...oh wait. It's his parents'.
* He brought wine...but it was Ravenswood and House Wine.
* He is a baseball fan...but he roots for the Yanks.
* He brought me flowers...but they were in a recycled salsa jar.
* He has tattoos...but one of them may or may not be tribal.
* ...He had really ugly shoes.
And wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...
* He brought cheese (my favorite thing!)...but...IT WAS USED CHEESE.
What is "used cheese" you may ask. Well, simply put, he brought cheese from his refrigerator. Wrapped in a Ziploc bag and I believe there was a rubber band involved? Here's my question. When he was at Safeway buying cheap wine and cheap flowers, why didn't he just grab new cheese? Like, if this was his favorite kind and he wanted to share, why wouldn't he get a new block? I just don't understand leaving one's house and grabbing open cheese from your refrigerator to take somewhere. I can't wrap my mind around that. Ohhhhh guess what? He took it with him when he left.
Needless to say, there will not be a third date. Oves.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Today is Wednesday...
* I have to attend the weekly banquet event order (BEO) meeting. In theory, this meeting is awful. I don't really mind it, however. I enjoy my F & B team. We are funny people - we have fun.
* I have come into the best group of ladies. Rarely do I trust women - especially like this. When you know, you know, though, and I know. We are all extremely opinionated, passionate and different on so many levels. Most importantly, we are hilarious. In the last 7 days we have gotten into a heated discussion on religion, reactivated and deactivated 3 separate facebook accounts, gotten tattoos (!!) at 1:15 in the morning at a parlor called Sea Tramp, corrupted an innocent coworker, had a 90's themed dance party, shut down a bar in tears, eaten at least 10 hamburgers, insulted the eye wear of a local skeez, designated a bar as our own...and I am talking all in one week. There's more debauchery in the three of us than in most college frat houses. Just sayin'.
* I have a date tonight. A. Date. I have a DATEEEEEE. Obviously, I am freaking out. I don't have the foggiest clue what I am doing. I can woo the opposite sex, no problem, but attending something as traditional as a "date" has me thrown. Cocktails after work. Around 6. I don't want to screw this one up. I mean, on paper this one has real potential. Fingers crossed.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Things I know - Tuesday Edition
* Laughter heals all. I mean it. How can you be grumpy, sad, self-loathing, or lonely when you are sitting at a table of new friends - who for some reason trust more than some old - laughing so hard your face hurts?
* Family is not made up of blood and flesh. Farrrrr from it. Those who carry the same DNA as me are not my family. My family are those who have wiped my tears, laughed at my jokes, held my hand when I was scared and done so willingly. I have no qualms about returning the favor, either. I love my family (parents and those of you who know you've earned the title) more fiercely than I hate my past.
* I am overly needy at times. I need to be reassured I am loved, important, good at what I do, and reassured often. I am an extremely independent person - and I love myself. I am not insecure - that's not the problem. I just "need". Does that make sense?
* I am happy today. I have nothing to complain about.
* Family is not made up of blood and flesh. Farrrrr from it. Those who carry the same DNA as me are not my family. My family are those who have wiped my tears, laughed at my jokes, held my hand when I was scared and done so willingly. I have no qualms about returning the favor, either. I love my family (parents and those of you who know you've earned the title) more fiercely than I hate my past.
* I am overly needy at times. I need to be reassured I am loved, important, good at what I do, and reassured often. I am an extremely independent person - and I love myself. I am not insecure - that's not the problem. I just "need". Does that make sense?
* I am happy today. I have nothing to complain about.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Vices...
* Parliament Lights: This one is ironic because the little white cancer sticks are actually one of the things Kristi is letting go of. More power to ya, Lovey, but I am going to continue to suck on the indented filter, making a tobacco-colored star on the inside. I know it's a gross and disgusting habit which ultimately could kill me. However, something about the curls of smoke snaking their way around me while filling my lungs with the overwhelmingly pleasurable toxins makes me feel at ease. I don't really "smoke". I mean, not during daytime hours. Just alone, in the confounds of my own solitude, after a glass or two of vino do I sneak outside in my bunny slippers to puff. Then and any other time I consume alcohol. Or if I happen to be on a road trip who's soul purpose is to make my palms sweat with rendezvous nerves. You get the picture. I don't NEED to smoke. I choose to.
* Gummy Bears: I am consciously trying to avoid high fructose corn sugar. After reading Food Rules (a quick 45 min one-sitting read - I highly recommend) I cannot justify choosing to put crap like hfcs in my body. However, I choose to ignore said rule when it comes to the little animal shaped squishy masses. They are delicious. No matter what. I like the clear ones the best, then the red ones. I eat the yellows and oranges first - they are my least favorite. I prefer them stale, like one day after opening the package. They leave an oily residue on your fingers after a day or two in the oxygen. I like that.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Back to Life, Back to Reality...
Yesterday was my first day back in the office. Shell-shock to say the least. My vacation was amazing, life changing, eye opening, and pretty much perfect. I went to Italy. I returned. I drove to Seattle for a rendezvous. I returned. "What??" you ask. "You drove to Seattle??"...
* Flirtatious banter is my favorite. There is something so exciting about the chase. I am a huge sucker for butterflies and love nothing more than feeling the unmistakable twinge of a good old-fashioned crush. Obviously, this is referring to "The Boy". We decided to take our banter on the road and meet halfway for an evening. So, I booked a room, shaved my legs and drove 2.5 hours. Yes, this routine-driven planner dropped everything to be spontaneous - and I LOVED every minute of it.
Now I just need to NOT drunkenly text him stupid shiz. I need to be more alluring. More elusive. More...more...more UNAVAILABLE. I might be notorious for "dating like a guy" but I get to some point where my estrogen kicks in. I am brazenly unemotional, unattached...until I'm not. It's not good. I need to lock myself in a padded room and unplug all things related to communication. Every single one of us has made this mistake - and it's cringe worthy every single time. The flirtatious banter I love so much takes on a wine-soaked pathetic tone and no one likes a needy sot. I'm not saying this point has been reached yet in this particular situation - because I believe it hasn't - I am just sayin' it has happened. Right? Eff. Officially beginning Operation Emotionally Back Peddle.
* Flirtatious banter is my favorite. There is something so exciting about the chase. I am a huge sucker for butterflies and love nothing more than feeling the unmistakable twinge of a good old-fashioned crush. Obviously, this is referring to "The Boy". We decided to take our banter on the road and meet halfway for an evening. So, I booked a room, shaved my legs and drove 2.5 hours. Yes, this routine-driven planner dropped everything to be spontaneous - and I LOVED every minute of it.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Day 4...
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Venice, Italy - Firenze. (I love the fact Firenze is in autocorrect)
Notorious for being early, I have realized I "inherited" this trait from my mother. We had to catch a 10:40 am train... So we rose early and munched on our usual breakfast, coffee quickly moving through my veins. We had to walk to the vapperetto, the water taxi which would take us to the train station. Wheeling our bags through the tiny alleys, avoiding the dog sh*t and vendors unveiing their carts for the day, we pulled and pushed ourselves and our belongings to platform 52, a floating bus stop surprisingly lovely foe public transport. The boat arrived, beautiful uniformed man ushering us on, his broken English urging mom and I towards the back with our bulky suitcases. I quickly obliged, excited to feel the spray of the ocean and the final breeze of Venice on my face. Mom was not as happy bout the open air. I was, in usual fashion, trying to control the scene. I imagine my schtick gets old...but I cannot handle the snail's pace. It infuriates me. We successfully deboarded - and the "hurry up and wait" game began. No benches, no cafe, the train station in Venice is a far cry from pdx's beautiful Union Station. We stood, crane- necked, for a solid 45 min, hoping the departure screen would soon update train 9504 to Roma. hurry. Up. And. Wait. The ride in first class was better than I expected - easy and clean, despite mom's clunky bag hanging out in the aisle. In just over two hours we arrived in Florence! After repeating the name of our hotel 15 times to the cabby (Il Guelfo Bianco) we were on our way! First thought...who taught these people to drive?! Answer...no one. They just wing it, obviously. We checked into our room (free wifi!) and after unpacking, we decided to wander. I am pretty sure it was love at first sight. There are many special nuances to Florence - what struck me first was the crazy juxtaposition between old and new. A young, modern girl, for instance, talking on Her iPhone 4, smoking, chaining her vespa to a 500 year cathedral post - crazy interwoven history and modern day. Our hotel is very centrally located, just about a 5 minute walk down to the infamous Duomo. The centuries old cathedral with Brunnelleschi's famous dome has always captivated me, art history texts piquing my interest years ago. In person, Ste. Marias is massive, looming, eerie, and beautiful. The massive church is the third largest in the world and the facade is extremely intricate. Inside, however, is much more simplistic, with a bone-chilling breeze rambling through the nave. Hundreds of tourists crane their necks to see the frescoed dome's interior, silently shuffling through the landmark. We spent some time admiring the cathedral before heading back Into the sunshine. While peak tourist season has yet to decend upon Italia, there are hoards of school children in massive packs. Think groups of 50+ high schoolers, hormones raging, pawing at each other while traveling through historic monuments. Annoying. Mom and I wondered and wandered, exploring the numerous piazzas, crossing the famous Ponte Vecchio, winding up and down the very Parisian feeling streets, lined with designer labels. I drug poor mom behind me, until she couldn't move anymore, demanding we stop and sit on a stoop for a good while. While I appreciate my mother's aging pains, feet problems, knee problems, neck problems...I need to practice more patience. I know I do.
We ate at --- at the recommendation of the hotel. Directly upon sitting down at the table, a small two top on the front patio, our waiter asked what hotel we were staying at - an instant indication the joint is not recommended on culinary merit but rather on the kickbacks given to referring concierges. Sigh. We split a caprese salad (fine, typical, nothing special) and I had spaghetti-like noodles with shaved black truffles, i found nothing wrong with the dish - and looking back on it it really was better than I gave it credit for at the time. Mom had risotto with asparagus - it tasted like gummy rice mixed with campbell's cream of asparagus soup. A greasy, mustachioed middle aged man continually tried to make conversation with us (me). He was the proprietor of Dante's Leather Factory, a crusty, plasticy Wilson's Leather type store. Visiting America often, Dante's has trunk shows in cities like Boston and Vegas. He would like portland to be next on the list. Gross. An after dinner gelato and we headed back towards the hotel.
Venice, Italy - Firenze. (I love the fact Firenze is in autocorrect)
Notorious for being early, I have realized I "inherited" this trait from my mother. We had to catch a 10:40 am train... So we rose early and munched on our usual breakfast, coffee quickly moving through my veins. We had to walk to the vapperetto, the water taxi which would take us to the train station. Wheeling our bags through the tiny alleys, avoiding the dog sh*t and vendors unveiing their carts for the day, we pulled and pushed ourselves and our belongings to platform 52, a floating bus stop surprisingly lovely foe public transport. The boat arrived, beautiful uniformed man ushering us on, his broken English urging mom and I towards the back with our bulky suitcases. I quickly obliged, excited to feel the spray of the ocean and the final breeze of Venice on my face. Mom was not as happy bout the open air. I was, in usual fashion, trying to control the scene. I imagine my schtick gets old...but I cannot handle the snail's pace. It infuriates me. We successfully deboarded - and the "hurry up and wait" game began. No benches, no cafe, the train station in Venice is a far cry from pdx's beautiful Union Station. We stood, crane- necked, for a solid 45 min, hoping the departure screen would soon update train 9504 to Roma. hurry. Up. And. Wait. The ride in first class was better than I expected - easy and clean, despite mom's clunky bag hanging out in the aisle. In just over two hours we arrived in Florence! After repeating the name of our hotel 15 times to the cabby (Il Guelfo Bianco) we were on our way! First thought...who taught these people to drive?! Answer...no one. They just wing it, obviously. We checked into our room (free wifi!) and after unpacking, we decided to wander. I am pretty sure it was love at first sight. There are many special nuances to Florence - what struck me first was the crazy juxtaposition between old and new. A young, modern girl, for instance, talking on Her iPhone 4, smoking, chaining her vespa to a 500 year cathedral post - crazy interwoven history and modern day. Our hotel is very centrally located, just about a 5 minute walk down to the infamous Duomo. The centuries old cathedral with Brunnelleschi's famous dome has always captivated me, art history texts piquing my interest years ago. In person, Ste. Marias is massive, looming, eerie, and beautiful. The massive church is the third largest in the world and the facade is extremely intricate. Inside, however, is much more simplistic, with a bone-chilling breeze rambling through the nave. Hundreds of tourists crane their necks to see the frescoed dome's interior, silently shuffling through the landmark. We spent some time admiring the cathedral before heading back Into the sunshine. While peak tourist season has yet to decend upon Italia, there are hoards of school children in massive packs. Think groups of 50+ high schoolers, hormones raging, pawing at each other while traveling through historic monuments. Annoying. Mom and I wondered and wandered, exploring the numerous piazzas, crossing the famous Ponte Vecchio, winding up and down the very Parisian feeling streets, lined with designer labels. I drug poor mom behind me, until she couldn't move anymore, demanding we stop and sit on a stoop for a good while. While I appreciate my mother's aging pains, feet problems, knee problems, neck problems...I need to practice more patience. I know I do.
We ate at --- at the recommendation of the hotel. Directly upon sitting down at the table, a small two top on the front patio, our waiter asked what hotel we were staying at - an instant indication the joint is not recommended on culinary merit but rather on the kickbacks given to referring concierges. Sigh. We split a caprese salad (fine, typical, nothing special) and I had spaghetti-like noodles with shaved black truffles, i found nothing wrong with the dish - and looking back on it it really was better than I gave it credit for at the time. Mom had risotto with asparagus - it tasted like gummy rice mixed with campbell's cream of asparagus soup. A greasy, mustachioed middle aged man continually tried to make conversation with us (me). He was the proprietor of Dante's Leather Factory, a crusty, plasticy Wilson's Leather type store. Visiting America often, Dante's has trunk shows in cities like Boston and Vegas. He would like portland to be next on the list. Gross. An after dinner gelato and we headed back towards the hotel.
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