Friday, October 19, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Oh heyyyyyy...
As it turns out, matters of the heart are in fact, felt in the middle torso of the body. There's the slight leap of joy and a missed heart beat when something wonderful happens - something elatious. Of course, on the other side, there is the stab. I'm not even going to bother explaining this one - we have all been there. The punch - the stab- the yank. Whatever you want to call it. When it is good - it's great. And it is. Really, really, great. But. Apparently, as I am being reminded as I write this, my thoughts are irrevelent.
Things I know TODAY:
* Being adored is really the best. Once that wains, its time to reexamine. Easier said than done.
* I am a psycho about change. I need to leave more to chance - and erase old phone numbers.
* Nobody is worth this many tears. They wouldn't make me cry if they were worth it.
Right?
...I know, I'm just complaining.
As it turns out, matters of the heart are in fact, felt in the middle torso of the body. There's the slight leap of joy and a missed heart beat when something wonderful happens - something elatious. Of course, on the other side, there is the stab. I'm not even going to bother explaining this one - we have all been there. The punch - the stab- the yank. Whatever you want to call it. When it is good - it's great. And it is. Really, really, great. But. Apparently, as I am being reminded as I write this, my thoughts are irrevelent.
Things I know TODAY:
* Being adored is really the best. Once that wains, its time to reexamine. Easier said than done.
* I am a psycho about change. I need to leave more to chance - and erase old phone numbers.
* Nobody is worth this many tears. They wouldn't make me cry if they were worth it.
Right?
...I know, I'm just complaining.
Friday, April 27, 2012
!?!?!?
It's Friday...and I am in a "mood". A justified one. I can not explain. Other than to say...
Men, in general, are silly creatures. Not all of you are dumb but most of you are. I cannot waste my time or energy with a low-life emotionally cheating bastard. So there. I'm hurt. He's an ass...surprising...
Men, in general, are silly creatures. Not all of you are dumb but most of you are. I cannot waste my time or energy with a low-life emotionally cheating bastard. So there. I'm hurt. He's an ass...surprising...
Friday, January 20, 2012
It's All Good, Baby, Baby!
Friday. Today is Friday.
I still can't leave the house or see anyone but it's Friday. I don't have to get out of bed tomorrow. I will, I'm just saying...
I purchased a white, velvet chair today. A monumental feat, considering it is the first piece of furniture I have ever bought. Alone. The table, baker's rack, coffee table...all with one boyfriend or another. Everything else has been gifted to me by my parent's move, etc. Even the cutting boards - there are two - one from each of my long term relationships. Odd, really. It's going to be the best chair ever. Even if it's not. It's MY chair.
It's a little out there, a little gaudy and just right for the mood I am in. Classic and risky. I like it.
My mind is in a weird place, my heart in an even weirder one. How DO people manage to be so carefree in their dating life? Oh, wait. That was me. So, then, who is this girl? A freaked out, over analytical ball of nerves and confusion. Enough on that topic. Enjoy your Friday. I'm going to prop my feet up, put on a happy song and nod my head to the beat.
I still can't leave the house or see anyone but it's Friday. I don't have to get out of bed tomorrow. I will, I'm just saying...
I purchased a white, velvet chair today. A monumental feat, considering it is the first piece of furniture I have ever bought. Alone. The table, baker's rack, coffee table...all with one boyfriend or another. Everything else has been gifted to me by my parent's move, etc. Even the cutting boards - there are two - one from each of my long term relationships. Odd, really. It's going to be the best chair ever. Even if it's not. It's MY chair.
It's a little out there, a little gaudy and just right for the mood I am in. Classic and risky. I like it.
My mind is in a weird place, my heart in an even weirder one. How DO people manage to be so carefree in their dating life? Oh, wait. That was me. So, then, who is this girl? A freaked out, over analytical ball of nerves and confusion. Enough on that topic. Enjoy your Friday. I'm going to prop my feet up, put on a happy song and nod my head to the beat.
Monday, January 16, 2012
It's Raining...It's Pouring...I have MONO?!?
Yes, the irony is not lost on me. I have mono. Go ahead, laugh it up. In the meantime, I will do my best to find the silver lining in quarantine. Sigh.
* It's raining - or snowing - or something in between. A downright lovely day. Good thing I am not supposed to leave my house.
* My best friend is moving today - into a "big girl house". One with a basement and multiple bedrooms. When did adulthood thrust itself upon my social circle? I mean, wasn't it yesterday it was okay to use your parent's address as your "permanent mailing location"??
* How much of a good thing turns it into a negative? This question applies to a lot of facets of my life: booze, cigarettes, junk food, caffeine...attention...
* It's raining - or snowing - or something in between. A downright lovely day. Good thing I am not supposed to leave my house.
* My best friend is moving today - into a "big girl house". One with a basement and multiple bedrooms. When did adulthood thrust itself upon my social circle? I mean, wasn't it yesterday it was okay to use your parent's address as your "permanent mailing location"??
* How much of a good thing turns it into a negative? This question applies to a lot of facets of my life: booze, cigarettes, junk food, caffeine...attention...
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Things I Know...Tuesday Edition
Today I am feeling hopeful. Today is going to be the start of my "Happiness Project". I am generally a happy person but I tend to whine. A lot. Too much. Complaining and whining. Blahhhhh. Who wants to be around that? Instead of doing so, I am going to focus on the gifts and positive aspects in my life.
* I have the best family. Best. My mother and father are good, funny people who are wiser than I give them credit for. My best friends are family, too. I have a support system that can't be rivaled. Somehow I have surrounded myself with amazing, strong, fiercely loyal, hilarious people. I am not sure what I did to deserve them but I will take it, and do my best to make them feel how very much I love them.
* I have managed to stumble into something that sort of resembles a relationship? An older guy with a creative edge, M is really quite wonderful. Pensive, smart, funny...now if only he had health insurance and wasn't 12 years older than me...???? I am going to do my best to enjoy the situation and live in the moment. The rest will figure itself out.
* I am going to take 2012 by storm. I will:
* Write Everyday * Be More Thankful * Start Creating Again * Challenge Myself * Forgive * Drink More Water * Appreciate The Good And Purge The Bad * Laugh More And Frown Less
* I have the best family. Best. My mother and father are good, funny people who are wiser than I give them credit for. My best friends are family, too. I have a support system that can't be rivaled. Somehow I have surrounded myself with amazing, strong, fiercely loyal, hilarious people. I am not sure what I did to deserve them but I will take it, and do my best to make them feel how very much I love them.
* I have managed to stumble into something that sort of resembles a relationship? An older guy with a creative edge, M is really quite wonderful. Pensive, smart, funny...now if only he had health insurance and wasn't 12 years older than me...???? I am going to do my best to enjoy the situation and live in the moment. The rest will figure itself out.
* I am going to take 2012 by storm. I will:
* Write Everyday * Be More Thankful * Start Creating Again * Challenge Myself * Forgive * Drink More Water * Appreciate The Good And Purge The Bad * Laugh More And Frown Less
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Things I Know...Thursday Edition (I Thought it Was Friday ALLLLL DAY)
Maybe, just maybe, I am ready to grow up...this is still up in the air.
Things I know to be true as of this exact moment:
* Sunday Fundays are wildly fun - until the alarm rings on Monday. You would think I would have learned this one by now. I have what can only be described as a contusion on my right arm from a fall I can't remember and have successfully managed to detach myself from my actions. The problem is - I don't want to be detached. I want to be present in my own life and learn to feel the emotions my interactions and lack there of should induce. The majority of people don't believe me when I say I can have no emotion towards a situation. Only the ones who know exactly how callous I can be, can wrap their mind around the fact I can "shut it off". These tend to be the people who have actually seen me feel - and know the location of my breakdowns (What? It's really soft bath mat).
* There is little point in trying to understand the unexplainable. Sometimes things just happen. Good and bad, awful and hilarious - we can control very little in this world except our reactions to our encounters.
* The littlest gestures make the biggest impact. Being the voice of reason when someone over-googles medical symptoms, erasing an exe's number from a heartsick friend's phone, offering to sit on the couch with an under the weather companion, or my personal fave as of late - bringing a completely unhealthy meal of Taco Bell to a sick friend - these are the real, day to day actions of a meaningful relationship.
* The holidays really aren't as great of a time as we all pretend they are. Sure, we put the smiles on and pretend it's "hap, hap, happiest season of all". In reality, the holidays make me miserable - and I know I'm not alone here. Of course I am glad to spend time with my family (or in hindsight I will be glad I did so even if I am dreading it now) but to be honest, the holidays remind me of the relationships I don't have - of the people who aren't with us to celebrate - the emptiness my best friend must be feeling celebrating without her mom for the first time. That sh*t sucks. The good news is we get to start over. We are given a chance to put all those silly, negative thoughts behind us and focus on the hope of a clean slate. Ah, hope - how very grateful for you I am.
* Sometimes it's the most unexpected people who keep us up until ungodly hours, smiling and secretly hoping the ding of the text notification is them.
Things I know to be true as of this exact moment:
* Sunday Fundays are wildly fun - until the alarm rings on Monday. You would think I would have learned this one by now. I have what can only be described as a contusion on my right arm from a fall I can't remember and have successfully managed to detach myself from my actions. The problem is - I don't want to be detached. I want to be present in my own life and learn to feel the emotions my interactions and lack there of should induce. The majority of people don't believe me when I say I can have no emotion towards a situation. Only the ones who know exactly how callous I can be, can wrap their mind around the fact I can "shut it off". These tend to be the people who have actually seen me feel - and know the location of my breakdowns (What? It's really soft bath mat).
* There is little point in trying to understand the unexplainable. Sometimes things just happen. Good and bad, awful and hilarious - we can control very little in this world except our reactions to our encounters.
* The littlest gestures make the biggest impact. Being the voice of reason when someone over-googles medical symptoms, erasing an exe's number from a heartsick friend's phone, offering to sit on the couch with an under the weather companion, or my personal fave as of late - bringing a completely unhealthy meal of Taco Bell to a sick friend - these are the real, day to day actions of a meaningful relationship.
* The holidays really aren't as great of a time as we all pretend they are. Sure, we put the smiles on and pretend it's "hap, hap, happiest season of all". In reality, the holidays make me miserable - and I know I'm not alone here. Of course I am glad to spend time with my family (or in hindsight I will be glad I did so even if I am dreading it now) but to be honest, the holidays remind me of the relationships I don't have - of the people who aren't with us to celebrate - the emptiness my best friend must be feeling celebrating without her mom for the first time. That sh*t sucks. The good news is we get to start over. We are given a chance to put all those silly, negative thoughts behind us and focus on the hope of a clean slate. Ah, hope - how very grateful for you I am.
* Sometimes it's the most unexpected people who keep us up until ungodly hours, smiling and secretly hoping the ding of the text notification is them.
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